Part 3 Rooting Out Rebellion

     In this third and final blog about rooting out rebellion, I am going to share the last three reasons that children rebel as the Lord revealed them to me:

 

Reason 3 - Hypocrisy!

 

Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

 

     We must live what we say we believe.  The standard we require from our children in regard to moral law should be the same standard we require of ourselves.  There are general rules that are not moral in nature (a bedtime for example) where this would not apply but in all areas of moral law “Parental example must support parental instruction. Instruction without example is authoritarian and produces a teen who is bitter and full of resentment…Thus, that which is morally right for the teen must also be morally right for the parent.”  Gary Ezzo in Reaching the Heart of Your Teen

 

     One of the biggest parts of hypocrisy is not admitting when we are wrong!  We need to model repentance, forgiveness and restoration to our children.  When we refuse to do this, we destroy our credibility and create bitterness that is a deep, strong root for rebellion.  Hebrews 12:15 “ See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God ; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled”

 

     Another aspect of hypocrisy can be when we tell our children we love them but they don’t see the evidence of that love lived out in our words and actions.  Evaluate your time?  Do you have biblical priorities?  Your kids will resent you when these are out of balance!  Balance is a key word here.  Don’t make them the center of the universe or use “family time” as an excuse to not serve at all.  Ask God to give you wisdom on how to spend your time!  Psalms 90:12 NAS  “So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.”

 

Reason 4 - Closely related to hypocrisy, is not loving our children for who they are or giving them the freedom to fail.

 

Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

 

      Our children need to know that their value is not based on their obedience, performance, talent, looks, etc.  It is based wholly on the price that God paid for them!  Christianity is the only “religion” where salvation and character are not works based.  All other faiths produce good works as a means of salvation and they are motivated by guilt, fear, or duty.  Our fruit comes as a result of our salvation and is motivated by a love relationship.  A mother and a maid may do the same work but the motivation behind the work is completely different!  As we understand that we are God’s children, that He loves us, and has sacrificed everything for us, we are motivated to obey Him out of a grateful heart, knowing that even our obedience is only possible because of Him.  (see Ephesians 2:8-9, Galatians 5:22-23)  So we need to be careful in our praise of our children.  It should be genuine; not empty flattery, and they should always be aware that any good thing in them is a gift from God and He must get the glory!  Praise their character, not their actions.  (Example:  ‘You showed such diligence and perseverance in studying for that test!  I am not surprised you did well after all that hard work!’ verses  ‘You are so smart!  That is an awesome grade!’ Or ‘God gave you such talent in sports.  I am sure He is pleased you are using it wisely by being a team player.’ verses  ‘That was a great goal you made!  It’s amazing how good you are at this.’)  We know we should never tell a child he is bad, just what he did was bad.  The same principle applies with praise because what they do, is not where their value comes from!  Beware of developing a spirit of legalism in your children.

 

      We need to display God’s grace to them.  Do you use guilt as a club?  (Example:  “It’s obviously too much to expect that you would help me out of the kindness of your heart.” )  Do you compare them to their siblings or other children?  (‘If you focused like your sister, you would be done too.’)  When you do, repent!  If not, you are creating prohibitive consciences and rebellious hearts in your children.  Also, do you show others outside the family the grace you profess to believe in?  How do you deal with families that may have different standards than yours?  Do your children know that “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) and that it is only by His grace that we stand?  (Proverbs 16:18)  One Christian author asks, “How do you talk about the girl in the youth group that got pregnant at fourteen?  How did you talk about the boy from school that is addicted to drugs? …Kids are smart.  You can preach what you think or want to believe, but you will live and model what you truly believe.”  These are opportunities for teachable moments - to discuss consequences of sin, how sin deceives, grace, how to love the hurting, etc.

 

      Be careful you are not trying to mold your children into your own bent.  Examples:  Athletic dad pushing son in sports when son loves music.  My husband is very basic and simple in his style of dress.  He doesn’t like to draw attention to himself.  My daughter is more flamboyant in her style.  She loves fashion and expressing herself through it  He has had to learn to not crush her spirit and let her express herself, even when it isn’t his taste, as long as she is honoring God in her dress.  Work on meeting their love language even if it is not yours or especially if it is not yours.  We should study our children, know what makes them tick, their likes and dislikes.  How has God gifted them?  Encourage them in those areas rather than forcing them to try and be good at what you like, dress in your style, etc!  God has a purpose for them and the way He made them was to help them fulfill that purpose.  HIS purpose.  Make sure they know this!  God has given them everything they need that pertains to life and godliness. (see 2 Peter 1:3)  He will help them fulfill their purpose and He has made them in just the right way to accomplish it! 

 

Reason 5 - We aren’t discipling our children!

 

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”

 

     There is a difference between raising them in church, teaching them what we believe, what we do,  don’t do, etc. and discipleship!  And that difference is time and relationship!  I have many friends who grew up in “Christian” homes, yet outside of church and family devotions occasionally, the Bible was never applied to life.  Their parents did not employ the tactic of Deut. 6:5-7 (see above)  It takes time, training, constantly teaching by example, with teachable moments and with planned teaching times.  It must be in your heart first, so you live it out.  Then you can put it in their heart as you sit in your house, walk by the way, lie down and rise up!  Did I mention it is constant?  They need to understand that their faith in God should influence how they think about everything.  It is a worldview that should permeate all they say and do and think.  Can your children think and reason Biblically?  Do they know how to discern truth? This doesn’t just happen!  It must be taught!

 

      Help your children to understand their relationship with God.  How does God relate to them?  How can they know He hears their prayers?  How do they hear His voice?  How do they overcome sin?  Who is the Holy Spirit and how does He help them?  ( If you don’t know the answers to these questions, it is VITAL that you find them out!  We can’t teach what we don’t know.  Luke 6:40  “A pupil is not above his teacher for once he has been fully trained he will be like his teacher.” Get in the Word, a Bible study, find a mentor – do what it takes to learn!)  Examples - When they have been rejected by a friend, do you remind them that God accepts them and loves them always?  When they are struggling to obey, do you explain to them that is why they need God?  That we all struggle with sin and can’t do it without His help?  Do they see you having your quiet time?  Do you talk about what God is teaching you or what you read in your devotions?  Do you stop and pray with them in those hard moments throughout the day?  Yes, we must teach them but more is still caught than taught.

 

 

     So the Key to rooting out rebellion is relationship!  Your relationship with God and with them and their relationship with you and with God.  May we all cultivate these relationships that they may bear much fruit!  God bless!