What Are Your Kids Thinking About

Monday, July 15, 2013 Posted inBlog

Parents often look at their kids and wonder what they are thinking about. Which of us haven’t wished for the gift of mind-reading when it comes to our kids?! You have given your kids consequences for misbehavior, yet they repeat the offense again and again. You wonder if they think you are going to overlook it this time, or if they like pain, or if the consequence wasn’t tough enough and so on. In your mind, they do what they are supposed to do and make wise choices and they get the blessing of earned freedoms and rewards…they don’t, and they get the pain of consequences and your disapproval. Seems simple enough, doesn’t it?

SO, JUST WHAT ARE YOUR KIDS THINKING ABOUT?

Let’s look at what they SHOULD be thinking about. Many times we think of the teachings in the Bible for us as adults, but it is in the “Instruction Book for Life” on how we are to raise our kids! Philippians 4:8 is a terrific verse we should be drilling down deep and planting in the hearts of our kids.

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable –

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy

 – think about such things.”

There are eight key words in this verse that should be what your kids are thinking about!

True…Noble…Right…Pure…Lovely

Admirable…Excellent…Praiseworthy

Can your kids even define these terms? Sounds like this would make a great Family Night project! Then ask them (and you) to pick 1 and write down one way they can work on it that week. Decide on a night to talk about the progress each of you has made during dinner the next week. On the other hand, you and your spouse should pick one each child struggles with, and make a plan on how you are going to train them in that.
For a biblical principle to stick with your child, you have to plant it in his heart so when he has to make a decision that would use this principle, his mind can reach down and grab it so he makes a wise choice.  Too often we talk to our kids, but we do not teach or train our kids.
You can throw watermelon seeds on the ground and hope and pray some of them grow and mature. Or you can take the time to plant them. It takes little effort to open a package and toss seeds wherever they land. To plant them means getting tools out, finding the best spot, digging up the ground, making mounds for the seeds to sit in with a water trench around the mound, fertilizing them and watering them consistently so they will bear ripe fruit. That’s the difference between talking and teaching.
Training your kids has 3 parts.

1. Teach them by giving them information and telling them WHY they need to apply it.
2. Work with them to show them HOW to use this information and model it for them.
3. Hold them ACCOUNTABLE for doing it, which means giving them consequences when they don’t.

This is how you plant the Word of God down deep in your kids’ hearts. By showing them how to put a biblical principle into practice, when it comes time for them to make a decision, they will know what to do. They will know HOW to keep their thoughts on the right track. Keeping your kids thoughts pure and holy is not something you do just once, but throughout the entire time they live in your home. When they leave home they will know what to do, because you helped them think through what is  true, and noble, right, pure, lovely admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy”
Helping your kids develop and cultivate right thinking will definitely change their focus and attitude about things. Have you ever noticed when they make unwise choices they are thinking about themselves? The eight things to think on from Philippians 4:8 are others-focused. This fits in perfectly with Jesus’ teaching, “Love others just as much as your love yourselves.”
When our kids made a decision that focused on themselves, we would ask them, “Who are you thinking of right now?” They had no other answer but to say, “Me.” If they had a teachable heart, when we followed this up with the question, “Who should you be thinking of right now?” we got the response of “my sister” or whoever or whatever they should have been focused on. If they weren’t teachable, you have uncovered ground you need to get the gardening tools out for and begin cultivating your child’s heart to begin thinking rightly.
This is how we trained our kids to keep their thought processes on “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

Joey Link from Parenting Made Practical

http://www.parentingmadepractical.com/?p=387

Self-Control

TO BE SELF-CONTROLLED
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.    Titus 2:3-4

Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for something to devour.
1 Peter 5:8

Most Commonly Asked Questions of Contact Moms
Q: My husband doesn’t get home from work until later in the evening, how can we possibly do ‘couch time’?
A: This certainly seems to be a dilemma of our day, finding Dad’s work schedule conflicting with having Couch Time while the children are still awake and able to observe Mom & Dad together. Like any ‘vehicle or tool’ we use in our parenting, we need to go back to the ‘principle or Belief’ and the “Why” of Couch Time to come up with a workable “how” to achieve our goals.{see Chap 1 Toddlerhood Transition or Chap 5 On Becoming Toddlerwise} With that in mind, remember the main principle that Couch Time communicates – the priority of the husband/wife relationship, the desire for the children to see a loving communication between parents so they can be secure in one of the most important relationships in their lives.  So ask yourself, is it possible that Dad could call home during a break in his workday and at a time when the children are up [not napping or away for previously scheduled activities]?  By coordinating the time so that the children are around and aware that Daddy is calling to talk to Mommy, Mom can pro-actively prepare the children that she is anticipating Daddy’s call and they are going to  have their special time to talk because they love each other. It’s not necessary for the children to speak to Daddy during this call, however, he may choose to make a separate phone call to talk to the children, so they can hear his voice as well.  In homes where a spouse is deployed or travels frequently families have found a workable “how” is to have a picture of their spouse in a prominent place and then makes sure to have Couch Time daily by sitting next to the picture and writing a love note when the children know this is special Dad & Mom time.  Plus, there is always Skype.


Self-Control:  restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.  Galations 5:22-23

The Discipline of Sobermindedness
Join the CFH Board  as they share insights on how the busyness of life, past experiences, and fear can overtake our thoughts and cause us to abandon clear thinking.  Practical suggestions are given as to the importance of sober-minded living and what it looks like to walk sober-mindedly in our present culture. To add this helpful resource to your parenting library and take advantage of the monthly special, please visit christianfamilyheritage.org.   *visit christianfamilyheritage.org to purchase this CD at a reduced price during the month of July.

THOUGHTS FROM THE BOARD

When we as moms think about self-control, it is usually in relation as to how we can train our children to gain that wonderful virtue/skill.  We should challenge ourselves to use those same techniques to help us grow in self-control in our personal lives. Just as we have our children fold their hands, taking a minute or two for reflection before responding is a good move for all of us.  It’s not only our children who sometimes need to go to their rooms to think things through, there are times when we, as moms would do well to remove ourselves for a time to get our hearts right and allow God to help us to see the attitude/thought or feeling behind the tone in our own response.  Anne Ratliff shares: “many years ago I told my children that Mommy needed some time alone and went to my room.  My youngest sat guard outside my closed bedroom door and told everyone that Mommy was having a time out.  It was both humorous and bewildering for her, but it made an impact on all of the kids.  Now my kids are old enough to remove themselves when necessary, and to this day they will see their momma do the same thing.”  Self-control is a life long skill to develop in both our children and ourselves.  Thankfully, upon becoming a child of God, it is His good pleasure to help us to grow in every fruit of the Spirit, including self-control.